Thursday, April 26, 2007

Changes afoot.

Spring always brings new things, new decisions, new focus.

This spring is no different. I'm playing with some major changes for my business. Of course, I'm not going to jinx it by mentioning any of those here yet, but even the prospect of change gets me thinking.

The familiar keeps us where we are. By that I mean change is hard. I am experiencing a sort of separation anxiety with two important pieces of my life: my former home in Oregon and my copyediting biz.

That sounded strange, but bear with me.

It's a whole lot easier to dream a new life up and to wish for it and to wait for it, but when it finally comes, there does come a time further down the road that you suddenly look back and realize that your life has utterly changed and you won't be going back ever again.

I spent 29 years in Oregon, my home state, amongst family, friends, heck, I'm related to a lot of people in that state, and I was more than happy to leave it behind when I married Todd and we moved to Washington. However, in the past nine months, a sort of anxiety has reared its head in that I'm jealous of my family and friends there who get to live and work and play and stay there. It seems a bit ridiculous to me because I am very happy here in Seattle and I don't want move back. I know it's an estrangement of sorts, something I have to go through as I enter the next phase of my life, but all the pulling up of roots and long-held emotions is painful. It's the strangest thing I've ever gone through. (You also have to understand that my siblings and parents are my best friends and I do miss them daily. But I can't live there anymore. I know that.)

I am in a wilderness because of it. I am looking out toward the future, a bit apprehensively, and trying not to look back at Egypt too longingly. I know my life has a purpose and a plan and I know I'm headed somewhere. I think it may be a delayed reaction too. I don't let go quickly. Thus, I'm having to let go painfully.

As to the copyediting, I've done it for twelve years, going on thirteen years. I'm good at it; I get multiple job offers each day and turn most of them down. And I know that my copyediting days are coming to an end quickly. I'm being called on to a writing career. I can feel it. The entire idea of a writing business makes my eyes cross and confuses me to no end. I don't know how to run a good writing business. i don't know how to plan my day in order to get the most writing out of me. All this for copyediting, I know, and so I put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time. (Lately, I've been going backward, however.) Again, I don't let go quickly. I'm having to let go painfully.

These are hard lessons to learn and they've got me tied up in some knots this week, especially because I'm still recuperating from a rather intense viral infection. But I'm going to post it here, send it out, and trust that just saying it publicly will enable me to do it. I know God will bring me strength to keep walking.

Thus, Keep Moving Forward, means quite a lot to me today.

How about you? Is there a change coming that you are dreading?

1 comment:

Katie said...

I can sooo relate to being jealous about those who still live in Oregon ;-) ...

And you go girl on writing! You are very gifted in this area. I'm excited to see what you do with it.